Log in

Previous Entry

Jan. 11th, 2011

Is this thing still on?

It's been busy, crazy, and highly stressful around here lately. Some fun too, but not nearly as much as there should be.

In no particular order, some thoughts and events:

My paternal grandfather passed away on January 6. His obituary is here. We went up to Ashland this past weekend to see my grandma and just to be with family. I hadn't considered that I would be able to see his body, since he wanted to be cremated, but they were waiting until everyone in the family who needed to see him had done so. When I saw him at Christmas, he looked so frail and vulnerable - it really hurt to think about the amount of pain he was in and to see him in this condition. He had been needing someone to come help him up every day for the last few weeks, either because he'd fallen or he just couldn't get up. My grandma wasn't strong enough to help him up - she's got her own health problems going on, though she seems to be fixing to keep going for quite a while yet.

On the drive up, it became obvious that the car's tires should have been replaced a while ago - the roads were in their normal crappy winter condition and I could feel the car slipping when we went over bumps. I took over driving when we stopped in Cloquet for gas, because as much as I'd rather let Chris drive I feel safer if I can drive in bad weather or when something's wrong with the car. Not necessarily because he's a bad driver, but because I'm less anxious if I'm in control in those conditions. We hit white-out conditions on Hwy 2 headed across Wisconsin and after a harrowing 10-15 mile drive where there was absolutely nowhere to pull off the road and I could only tell I was on the road because of the occasional road sign glimpsed through the snow, we stopped for the night about 35 miles from our destination. Of course the snow stopped about 15 minutes after we moved into the hotel room, but that was okay. I was very happy that we'd picked up a bottle of whiskey when we'd stopped for gas, let me tell you. We ended up getting new tires in Ashland, which made a hell of a lot of an improvement.

The other thing going on in my life, of course, is Arlo. We had an evaluation with an occupational therapist at the beginning of December and I had a meeting with her last week to discuss it. The upshot of it all is that his sensory issues really are as bad as I've thought, but she thinks that 6-12 months of therapy should be all he needs to be able to work through things and learn to cope with his needs. He's still home with me fulltime, which is horribly stressful for both of us - I'm exhausted by his presence and he is clearly bored and frustrated but won't do anything educational other than read. I can't get him out of the house in a timely manner, so we don't get a lot of socialization done. Not to mention I can't really take him to playgroups or to someplace with a ball pit (i.e. Eagle's Nest) so he doesn't get a ton of the large-motor movement that he needs. Getting him out in the woods also isn't happening, sadly.

He was with my aunt and/or my mom from last Wednesday- Friday and came back from Ashland with my mom yesterday. Having those days to decompress and get some things done was such a gift and it gave me the motivation I needed to get him back into school. I feel like I can finally do that, now that we have a diagnosis from the OT to show to the school (since Adams refused to do an evaluation for us on the grounds that he hadn't been in school enough. Keep in mind that they sent him home after a few hours every time he went to school.) I just spoke to someone at Battle Creek Elementary to find about tours and talking to teachers and the special ed staff. I just need to find the kid-free time to go out and take a tour so I can see the place. Good luck with that, eh? I just really need him to go to school. I need time away from the kid, time to be myself and try to dig out from under this depression that's sucking my will to live.

I do have good things going on in my life, too - lots of good friends, yoga class, my cats, warm slippers. I just feel like those things would be easier to enjoy if I didn't have this kid with me all the time who throws massive tantrums if I dare suggest he eat something or *gasp* leave the house. Someday it will be better, but in the meantime things are really hard.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 11th, 2011 10:11 pm (UTC)
I've been MIA lately too. I think I missed it, did Arlo get a diagnosis? I'm hoping that getting help with him and for him will give you more time to take care of yourself.
Jan. 12th, 2011 12:00 am (UTC)
will you be able to enroll him this year still, or do you have to wait until fall?
Jan. 12th, 2011 04:32 am (UTC)
I am so sorry about your grandpa. It's always hard to lose them.

I am glad that you're finally getting some answers for Arlo. I've been thinking about you guys and hoping things get moving for everyone's sake.
Jan. 12th, 2011 03:41 pm (UTC)
Jess, sorry to hear about your grandpa.

The other stuff may be hard, but it's good to be moving forward. And warm slippers are very important! ;-)
Jan. 17th, 2011 05:08 pm (UTC)
So sorry about your grandpa! I hope things get better soon!
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )